x i a o w e i___` [x]

2012-01-29T02:33:00.005+08:00

It's only the first month of 2012 and it's alrd so happening for me. It got me so demoralized about this year, there's practically nothing for me to look forward. Things really get so complicated each year. Suddenly I realized how simple my life was in the past, no complicated problems, all I'm worried about was my parents not giving me the freedom that I wanted.

I failed too badly... Be it as a friend, daughter, gf or whoever. I won't deny how fortunate I am, I felt protected by the people around me but I can't deny how useless I felt too. Probably I really don't understand but they don't understand either. I don't want to just share the happiness, I wanna share some of the stress/burdens too, be it big or small, I'll feel so much better and happier rather than everybody telling me not to worry about anything. How to? Sigh if only anybody can understand exactly how I feel now without me explaining.

I felt way too touched. He's been doing so much more than what a bf should be doing. It's really so much more but I only just get to know this. My tears couldn't stop flowing even when I think about it now. Compared to him, probably what I've done is nothing.

Okay time to stop emo-ing about everything! It's time to brace myself up. It's definitely not a good start of the year but I'll make sure things get better! Gonna fight against all odds. I've strike off all my resolutions for this year and just replaced it with one really simple resolution. I hope this simple resolution of mine can be achieved. Bye world!

2012-01-14T01:55:00.003+08:00

Probably... I expect too much. No, I wasn't disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm supportive but on the other hand, I really wish you can stop being so busy for awhile, stop moving so fast and enjoy the last few moments that we have before you graduate and get even more busier with your stuffs. How to not feel heartpain when all I see is the tiredness in you because you're working so hard for the future and yet I'm standing at the same spot not moving?

Maybe it's time for me to catch up and take up some of the burdens. I know it's all for the future, I shouldn't have expressed my unhappiness to you and make you feel worse. Sorry.

Looks like I have to strike off that little wish of mine off my wishing list. Time for me to double up. We can and will get through this tgt. Just 11 more months to end off this year.

2012-01-02T23:23:00.009+08:00

"Your partner must be the man from whom you can ask for advice and whom you can say your secrets, because he will not say to no one else these things, he wouldn’t betrayed you. It is a true love when you can talk about everything with the person who you are in love with. Exactly the talking is the most important thing for the true love, because when the partners talk, they can find a decision to every problem, which they have. One big part of the couples breaking up, because they can’t or don’t want to talk. When the love is a true love, she can survive everything. Every problem is a test for the feelings and strength of one relationship. The true love is help. When you really love someone you are ready to help him right away and to do everything for him."

My true love

Sometimes, I really think he deserves a girl so much more better than me. It's never easy to be my boyfriend. I crave for his attention alot, even during times when he's really really busy with work and I'll still expect him to meet me up for dinner. I'm never understanding, times when he had to study for his exams/rush for his assignments, I chose to have a really big fight with him. I'm really stubborn, I always refused to leave him alone when he needs the time to be alone, I'll just appear at his house and he got no choice but to meet me and I'll quarrel with him over minor things. I can't stop whining, I cry over little stuffs and bother him with all my stupid problems when he had got even more major problems to handle.

I feel so bad, really bad. He's really busy with work recently that he got so worn out. I've never seen him this tired before. Almost every week, he'll tell me that he'll be busy with work. I should be an understanding girlfriend and take good care of myself so that he won't have to worry about me. But no, I expect him to be there for me cus my grandmother passed away and I was really sad. And I actually asked him why is he so busy when I know he's working really hard towards a better future for us. I even asked him not to be so busy with work and acc me more. Out of his busy schedule, he had to really find time out for me. Why am I such a difficult girlfriend?

Just 2 days ago, he told me that I deserve so much more, someone who loves me more than him. Despite me being such a difficult girlfriend, he's still holding on to me and never once give me up. So why, for what reason should I deserve more? Probably he's not the best boyfriend on earth but he's really doing fine as my boyfriend.

It's the first post of 2012, not trying to make it so emotional but so many things happened recently. I felt so tired, really really tired about everything. I refused to take the first step out and without me knowing, I started building walls around me and stop people from getting closer to me. I refused to open myself up. So he was the only one who had to comfort me when I start to feel emotional. Can't imagine how tiring it is for him.

We've been through and did so much things tgt in 2011. We've created memories for us to remember, the bad ones and the good ones. We've shared all the joys tgt and overcame all the difficulties that came along the way. He made me believe that promises are made to be kept and not broken.

I still remember he was really busy (yah he's forever busyyyy) during the period of this Nike race. But because I told him I want him to join me in this marathon, he promised to run this marathon with me despite that fact that he was really exhausted.

So thankful I've found him. He promised that 2012 will be a much better year! I doubt he'll see this but I just need somewhere to pen down my thoughts. Really thanks for all the things that you've done for me baby! Please continue to surprise me whenever you can (it's been a long time since you gave me surprise alrddddd), continue to love me this much and continue to trust this love like you always do! ♥ ♥ ♥

2011-12-30T00:08:00.006+08:00

2011 is ending and it's time to welcome 2012! Life seems to get complicated every year. I read back my post and I realised one of my greatest setback 2 years ago was failing my driving test. That's how simple life was few years back when failing my driving test can even be considered as one of my greatest setback, lol.

There's always good and bad every year. And without fail, people will start saying how much they've learnt each year. Don't ask me, I can't really list out what I've learnt this year. Haha. Probably the only thing that I'm really satisfied with myself will be working at IBM because I received compliments and good comments over there. Compliments work better for me I guess! But other than that, it's disappointments and more disappointments. Felt so disappointed over myself. It's like... I can be better but I did not. Times when I should be understanding, but I did not. The list goes on.....

I've lost someone close to me, just one week ago. The last time I lost someone close to me was my grandfather and that was like more than 10 years ago. I was still a small little kid back then so I don't know how painful it was. This is how painful it feels, to lose someone forever. I still feel the pain and think about her sometimes. Is this normal?

I've experienced things that I've never ever experienced it before. The stress, the burden, the responsibility. I've only mentioned this to boyf, so there are many people outside who don't really know the stress that I've been going through. I know I'll get through this la, it's just something that I don't get to experience in the past, so it's inevitable for me to feel this way.

But I really have to thank baby so much. He's been really tolerant towards me, even though we always had our big fights. There are times when the fight got so serious that we almost had to go on separate ways.. But I'm glad at the end of everything, he's still the one who held me tight in his arms. I'm never a reasonable girlf to start with, I can get unhappy over very little things. I hate it when people label me as 大小姐 but I can't deny the fact that I'm really like that. So he's the one who has to tolerate all the shits. I'm even more stubborn than an ox, so there're many times when I'll insist things to go on MY way. If I want it this way, means I want it THIS way.

I've been repeating so much that maybe all these words sound so cliche. But then, I'm not someone who can really express myself well with the right words at times, more often than not, my actions got misunderstood, We got into big fights here and there so often that he can even joke 'Aiyaa, it's a routine, it'll happen every few months' (it's funny when he said that, but it's totally not funny when we had our fights ok, hahaha). Sometimes I really feel so sorry for him because you know he's a very busy man but I still choose to pick a fight with him. Haiiii, maybe he owe people too much in his last life alrd so he has to return it this life, karmaaaa lol.

Thanks for everything baby! But still.. I wish you can get less busier with work and get more busy with me la!

My resolution for 2012?

-Study really hard and get a decent grade for my exam
-I want a holiday, really badly! I really want to go overseas. Take plane and go far far away. Been planning every year but never once came true haiiii. But now I want it so badly that I don't even mind Genting or Bintan. Yah that's how desperate I am for a holiday!
-Everybody to be healthy. My health is horrible this year. Fell sick so often that I alrd lost count of the number of times that I had to see a doc.
-I want to be better, in terms of everything.
-Lastly, I wish... I don't have to wait that long :)

Let's all hope for a better 2012!

2011-12-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

She's really gone.. It hurts so much, really hurts so much.

I went to the hospital on Monday. My uncles and cousins were at the hospital too. I went in to call her, she did not respond. My mum told me she won't be able to hear it alrd. We all kept calling her to wake up and talk to us, she got no response. My uncle told my mum that her soul is alrd gone. The doc told the adults to be prepared for the worst. All of us cried, wishing that she'll wake up and talk to us for the last time.

My uncles asked my mum to go back and rest so I went back home with my mum and dad. Baby came to bring me out for supper. When he sent me home, he hugged me and I really couldn't control my tears. I was so scared actually. Even though all of us kept saying we're prepared for the worst, I believe none of us were actually prepared for it. When I reached home, just stepped into my room, my cousin called. My hands were trembling when I picked up the call. The bad news that none of us wanna hear. I had to go in to my parents' room and break this news to my parents.

We rushed down to the hospital to see her for the last time. I saw her lying on the bed not moving, not even breathing. All of us broke down, she's really gone... I called her ah ma for the last time. I held her hand for the last time and her hand is so cold. After everything, we went in to the mortuary to see her. Our hearts were so pain cus her body was tied up by a plastic bag. She no longer has to suffer all the needles and pain anymore. She's free from all the pain.

The most common words said during the wake '不要哭, 阿嬤很好命了'. All her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren were there to send her off. She must be really happy to see so many people. The last day was the worst. The band was there to play all the sad songs, tears were everywhere. All of us sent her off her last journey. We all screamed for her during the cremation. 真的很舍不得.. Heart hurts too much, especially when I see my mum lost control, it's double the pain.

I went to her room on the last day. I saw her bed, her wheelchair, her everything. All the flashbacks came back. Please be fine at the other world ah ma. We will always, always remember you. It's a special Christmas this year that I'll never forget. 再见了 toa payoh 阿嬤.

2011-12-18T23:25:00.003+08:00

It's my most favourite celebration of the year and yet it seems so wrong for me to get excited about x'mas right now. My grandmother got admitted into hospital. She's unconscious. She doesn't even respond to my mum or my aunts or uncles when they tried to call her. The doc said that her situation is quite bad now. And the doc told my uncle that if my grandmother can't make it, his suggestion was to let her go and not save her. Saving her is just gonna make her even more miserable, and the percentage of saving her is less than 1.

It's gonna be CNY in one month time. Since 3 years ago, my grandmother had been in and out of the hospital. It always happened when CNY is approaching. And it happened again.. I know this is life, there's nothing much I can do about it. I need to accept the fact that she's old and she might go anytime soon. She's been really strong, she pulled through so many times.. When she had to go for operation for her thigh and the doc says it's dangerous cus her heart is too weak for the operation, she pulled through. When she fell down the second time, she pulled through. When her blood vessels broke and had to get into ICU, she pulled through too. Is it very selfish of us to hope that she'll be able to pull through it this time round?

My heart feels so pain... There's really nothing we can do now. We can't turn back the time when she's still so healthy and all, can we?

2011-12-02T03:01:00.002+08:00

It's December alrd, how fast! It's time for reflection and time to set a new goal for 2012! Suddenly realized I'm turning 22 soon and no longer a 18 year old girl who wish for more clothes, allowance, branded stuffs, etc. I wish for bigger things, so much bigger. It's kind of scary to grow up but I'm looking forward at the same time!

Alot of things to say but I'm tired now and I'm gonna sleep now! Will sort out my reflections for this year and make plans for 2012!

Goodnight! :)

2011-11-26T00:55:00.004+08:00

And again, it revolved around the same issue. It can be so taxing actually to give myself such a huge pressure. You know that kind of feeling when you got your own plans since some time ago and suddenly, for some reason, you've to start from zero. Yes, ZERO. You just have to abandon all your plans because you know there's some even more important things for you to handle. No, I'm not trying to push blames around or to whine about it, it's just..way too frustrating.

Not that I can't get over it or don't understand the whole situation or trying to indulge in my own self-pity, it's just that there are times when I'll start drifting off and just need someone to pull me back and remind me again. Can't explain how grateful I am to have him around in my life, to constantly pull me back on track and induce those harsh facts into me that I have to accept.

Anyway..

:) :) :)

2011-11-09T20:33:00.004+08:00

I made my parents really worried about me few days ago. I couldn't get down my bed and it seriously scared the hell out of me. My parents rushed all the way back from the office. Was sent to A&E and spent quite some time over there. Thank god it's nothing serious, it's so scary and I hope it's not gonna happen again!

Many things happened recently. I'm glad you're here all these while. No idea why I actually took so long to understand certain things. Refusing to face the fact and avoiding it whenever I can. Sometimes, all you really need is someone to be there to remind you that it's okay for things to fall apart, because after everything, he's still there and that's the most important thing. I'm glad I've found that someone who's willing to be there for me when things fall apart :)

That's when I love you.

2011-10-18T12:40:00.005+08:00

The reason why I hate them. The news ytd just made me discriminate them even more. What kind of stupid reason is it to say that you might get sued for being a Samaritan? Just because you're afraid that you might be the victim of getting slandered for causing the accident to that poor little girl doesn't give you a valid reason to ignore everything! I thought the first instinct people should do is to call for help?! We're talking about a life here now! It just shows how bastard (this word don't normally come out from my mouth but I really couldn't find a better word) these people are!

This is how cruel, how realistic, how selfish they can get. We're not talking about just that 18 people who walked away, but the majority of them. Sorry, but I really don't like them and I believe I'm not the only one.

I got no idea why I felt so agitated when I was reading that news but it's just...inhuman.

Okay I felt better now.

2011-10-07T02:11:00.002+08:00

A sudden urge to work really hard and get good grades for my studies! I don't want just a pass, I want more than just a pass. I need to stay more focus!

Sometimes, life is just so amazing. There are times when I really felt so contented and so thankful for everything that I had and I'll remind myself not to take anything for granted. But you know there are also times when you're just not satisfied with whatever that's happening around you. I'm talking about this in general and not referring to anything in particular. It's just so ironic. Humans are just greedy and contradicting lah. Who doesn't wish to be happier, healthier and richer right? Haha.

But anyway, life is still good for me! I'm happy in my comfort zone with everything that I need now :)

2011-09-26T23:14:00.003+08:00

I won't deny I'm an unreasonable gf but I've always thought that I'm never a selfish girlfriend. It's only till that day when I realized that I'm no different from any other girls outside. I'm selfish, I don't really want him to go. It might be 4 or 5 or 6 months and yes, maybe to anyone out there, I'm just blowing things up cus probably 6 months ain't that long, or perhaps I'm really making a mountain out of a molehill. But I felt so affected. I really can't imagine my life without him. What's gonna happen to all the 18th of the 6 months? Who's gonna give me the wonder hug that I need? Just the thought of it is enough to make me sad.

I didn't tell him about how I feel and how much I don't want him to go. Cus I really don't wanna be a selfish girlfriend, I don't wanna stop him from doing what he wanna do. But then...

What should I do? :(

2011-08-20T01:39:00.004+08:00

Kukup trip was fun! We had so much fun playing with the fireworks and kong ming deng! You know..the lantern that you can write all your wishes on it and then set fire inside and let it fly! It's so exciting to see the lantern fly high up and far away! Kinda disappointed that ours was unsuccessful tho. Hahaha.

Otw to Kukup! Many unglam sleeping photos were taken zzzz

Can ignore Shawn here, I got no idea what he's trying to do, haha!

Saw that dot of light there? It's our kong ming deng!!!

Had a really nice 3 weeks break and it's time to prepare for school alrd. I've managed to read up some of the modules and I'm somehow excited yet feeling sian about school. I'm excited cus it's gonna be something like a school romance to me cus baby's in the same school as me. YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. It's like we go to school tgt, have lunch tgt, wait for each other's lesson to end and then go dating that kind of thing. LOL. I've got Carson in the same class with me so I don't have to worry that I've got no friends! Hehehe.

Love all the little happy things that make me smile and grateful for all the wonderful people around me :)

2011-08-02T00:06:00.004+08:00

Officially ended my 9 months stay at IBM! Wasn't as excited as I thought it'll be. I've got really, really nice boss and colleagues over there. Colleagues that I can have so much fun and laughter with. They're more than just colleagues to me and work is really good with them around!

Sometimes things happened and I got all so moody, but they always managed to make me laugh and make me feel so much better! I don't dread going to work, because I'm always looking forward to crap and laugh with them during lunch/tea-break/after work! Can never forget how me and BFF always complained that we're so tired everyday. Hahahaha.

They're really one bunch of nice people! Hui Ching, Cerise and Ai Ling each got me my favourite Mickey Mouse (adds on to my collection, hehee)! And I totally love all the farewell gifts that I received! Had a really nice farewell lunch with them, but it's really so sad... My last day was hmm, happy and sad. They tried to make me cry (what an ass, hahaha). Before I left, they surrounded me and they came closer and closer and hugged me! Seriously, I was so touched!! I'm so gonna miss them!

Love the girls!!

So after my work, it's time for me to enjoy before school starts! Durian feast was definitely great with my relatives! Stayover at Festive Hotel's suite was really good too! Had so much fun playing texas poker, drinking game and slap jack! Baby was so nice to acc me to swim :) but the bad thing was.... I ate so much! We went to have Peking duck and other food at 1plus in the morning?!?! I refilled my noodles like 2 times, spell ohmygod.

Living room area

Bedroom

:)

That's my mini short getaway at RWS! Another mini short getaway to Kukup this weekend with the favourite clique! Can't wait yo!

2011-07-21T07:38:00.001+08:00

I feel like a happy little girl these few days! I just want to be this happy, everyday :)

2011-07-10T23:46:00.003+08:00

The special one who makes me look forward to everyday. Nothing complicated, just 3 words. I love you :)

2011-07-06T14:26:00.004+08:00

Wondering if you ever check your phone to see if there's any new messages. Because I did.
Wondering where you are. Because I'm far from giving up.

No idea what's going through your mind these few days. No clue about what kind of flashbacks that came across your mind. But I believe, I trust and I love.

"The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends. It's when you have more playful moments than serious moments. It's when you can joke around, have unexpected hugs, and random kisses. It's when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. It's when you'll rather chill inside to watch movies, eat junk food, and cuddle than go out all the time. It's when you'll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. It's when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are."

Lysm, dlma, iswyiml, naf.

2011-07-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

Ego too big. Kinda got me affected. Pms or what? Let my ego grow smaller when I wake up tmr please.

2011-06-23T18:17:00.001+08:00

Keep my cool keep my cool keep my cool! Such people should just bang the wall pls.

2011-06-21T23:28:00.003+08:00

Don't judge me.

"Sometimes the ones who seem perfect end up being the biggest failure."

2011-05-31T21:43:00.002+08:00

It's gonna be June soon. Half of 2011 is gone and the next half of 2011. I'm gonna work hard for my studies. I hope it's not just an empty talk cus I really wanna strive hard for my studies and have a better future!

Start to realize a lot of things, wishing things could be simpler. I broke down infront of him that day because the thought of not being good enough sucks pretty much. Baby kept telling me, I'm doing fine, I'm doing great. Trying to pen down how I'm feeling and all, but I can't really find the right words to describe. He's been really patient enough to see me cry like hell and still comforting me with the right words.

Sometimes it's just so sweet seeing how much he tried to surprise me whenever he can. How to be sad when you see him doing everything that he could just to make me smile? :)

2011-05-19T22:11:00.003+08:00

Just received my acceptance letter from UOL. Kinda excited when I saw the letter initially. But I ended up being stress about everything. Too much expectations for myself alrd I guess. Not everyone understands, everybody got their own stress to handle so yep.

Apart from all these, life's really good! It's an amazing one year with him, and I hope the rest of the years will be as amazing as well! Err, probably can do without the big fights, hahaha!

Okay, gonna make sure everything's in place and hit the sack soon! Byeeeeeee! :)

2011-04-22T02:35:00.002+08:00

When the reality strikes, here comes the disappointment.

2011-04-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

My bro's commissioning parade on Saturday and I felt so proud of him! Can't believe he's the cheeky brother of mine when I see him marching at the parade!

2011-04-08T08:12:00.003+08:00

Everything was kinda screwed up. My stubbornness and unreasonableness caused so much unnecessary troubles out. Being sick last few days made everything worst. So glad that everything's fine now and I hope things will just remain like that.

So much things happened recently. Probably what they say is true, you have to learn it the hard way. Sometimes, all you have to do is just to give a little more trust and faith and things will turn out fine ultimately.

I love you, so much :)

2011-02-15T22:13:00.005+08:00

It's Valentine's day yesterday and I was complaining to my colleague that I was a little disappointed. I mean.. everyday girls will hope their Valentine's day to be a really sweet one isn't it? I wasn't expecting much actually cus we don't really have the time to shop for gifts so we've already decided to do away with the gifts and just go for a simple dinner. He told me he'll decide on where to eat so I just assume that he'll make plans for the dinner and I'll just have to wait for his call. It's only till 5 plus ytd when i asked him about the plan later and he asked me what do I want to eat for dinner. I was like 'huh so in the end you didn't plan for this dinner' and I'm so sian and disappointed about this whole thing alrd. So yah, I just told him to go Toa Payoh for western (I didn't really want to eat western actually, haha).

He can actually detect that I was unhappy or maybe I was rather obvious? He kept asking me but obviously I denied laaaaaa, how do you expect me to just tell him that I was disappointed when we're having our dinner right! Haha. It's still early after dinner so he suggested to catch a movie, and he didn't book tickets for it and again, I was like 'huh it's Valentine's day today, it's gonna be pack everywhere, you didn't book the tickets and you expect that there'll be available slots?!' Sighhhh, so the whole thing was kinda disappointing lah.

In the end, we just walked around and then went to slack around at our usual place. He kept asking me to tell him what's wrong and I just kept quiet. Until he told me to help him to put the cloth and help him to take the wet tissue from his car boot! I knew something was wrong when he asked me to do that, LOL. And yay, I saw Mickey and Minnie sitting inside the car boot!!!!!!!

:D

It's been a really long time since somebody gave me soft toy alrd!! It's weird receiving soft toys at this age but considering the fact that he's very da nan ren and he's willing to go inside the shop, take the soft toys, pay for it and bring it all the way to the carpark, I think it's rather sweet! Even though he complained to me how paiseh is it -.-

Anyway, I told him that I was disappointed with him after that and that's when I realised he had actually planned surprises for me just that his plan was screwed up because he couldn't find the Chelsea jersey (he wanted to get me a Chelsea jersey instead). So the whole plan failed! Felt guilty after that cus while he was busy driving around to search for my Chelsea jersey, I was complaining to my colleague that I was disappointed!! Everything was sweet after that cus of all the promises that he made.

If you know what really happened between us before we're tgt, you'll probably think that it's amazing that we can be tgt. Leonard Chen used to sound so unfamiliar to me last time. Who will ever think that we'll be tgt someday?

Life is good with him around. He's a really sweet bf, always coming up with surprises to make me happy. He's someone I know I can depend on because he thinks about our future. He seems to know about everything and he's always so calm when things happen. He got his own ways to make me smile.

Probably the so called 'honeymoon' period is over, we're having hiccups here and there so frequently recently. We got into conflicts over small little things. It's so bad that he actually thought of letting me go because he thinks that I might be happier without him. But despite everything, we always managed to overcome the hiccups. The promises that he made and the assurance that he gave, they just make me even sure that he's the one.

I love you for everything that you had done for me. I love you for all the surprises. I love you for always trying your best to make me smile. I love you for always being there for me. I love you for everything! Love you so much baby! <3

2011-02-02T02:20:00.002+08:00

I'm so damn excited now because cny's coming! I think my colleagues and friends around me must have felt so irritated cus I've been telling them how excited I am. It's time to get fat but it's okay, I shall just eat and worry about it later!!!

SO EXCITED!! But i need to sleep now! Goodnight everybody :D

2011-01-18T23:43:00.002+08:00

If only I got the power to change certain things, everything might fall perfectly in place. If only I got more time to do the things that I need to do, I won't have to worry about neglecting people in my life or missing out things that I feel like doing. If only my office is just right beside my house, I won't have to travel so far everyday. If only if only if only....

There's still so many things undone and there's not much time left! I haven't even got myself a set of clothes for cny and I haven't pack my room yet. Probably my time management is really so bad. I could have plan my schedule better. Suddenly this got me so affected cus there's so much more to be done! Hopefully I can get everything done by this week!

It's my off day ytd and it feels good to just relax and not be working on a weekday! It's a happy day ytd! and I hope everyday is a happy day! Happy 8th <3

2011-01-14T00:20:00.002+08:00

It's so disappointing to know how fake and how superficial people are. It's even disappointing to realise that I'm belonging to this group of people slowly. I don't know if anyone understand what I'm trying to say. But I don't really like this feeling. I don't like being so fake and so superficial. But this is how the real world is, isn't it? It sucks pretty much cus there's nothing much I can do. Or maybe there is, just that I refused to. Not that I want to be so negative about life but come on, this is just the real world. Will get over it soon!

Anyway, life is still good with the right people beside you :) cny is coming! So many things not done yet and I'm only left with like 3 weeks?! But I can't wait for cny to come alrd! Time to gamble (though I've been playing mj almost every week haha), can't to eat those cny goodies, can't wait to see all my cousins and relatives! I love crowd, love gatherings, love food! :D

2011-01-02T03:38:00.002+08:00

2010 hasn't been a very good year for me. Many things happened but it somehow made me realised the importance of the people around me and cherish them more. Didn't achieve much but the greatest gift that I had in 2010 was baby! I'm so glad that he's always there for me when I'm so down. I guess I've never really shown anybody the weaker side of me but he had the ability to make me show him that side of me, haha. He always told me not to act strong in front of him cus his shoulder is strong enough for me to cry on. I've wasted too much tears last year and probably it's time for me to really grow up and get a little stronger and maybe a little less pampered!

But then, 2010 ended pretty well cus I had fun counting down at USS with baby, Sihao and Yvonne! So first few hours of 2011 was pretty good too! Please let 2011 be a better year!!!

Byeeeeee!!

2010-12-29T00:10:00.002+08:00

Too much thoughts now, need some time to clear all the negative thoughts away. Come to think of it, it's so ridiculous. Why is it like thatttttt!

I need to and I have to be!

Byeeeee!

2010-12-26T02:32:00.002+08:00

This is one of the best Christmas that I ever had! Had so much fun exchanging gifts with my colleagues and friends! Got so many presents this year! Love all the presents that everybody gave and also the surprises that baby gave! :)

These few weeks were really so hectic. Didn't really had the time to meet up with alot of people because of my tight schedule. I don't even had time for myself tooooo! Oh man, I think I need a good rest!

Love December totally even though it's such a hectic month. So fast Christmas is over! It's another 365 days before I can hear Christmas songs again! Hahaha. One more week and it's new year! Kinda excited cus I'll be going USS to countdown!!!!

2010-12-13T00:29:00.002+08:00

It's so sweet to know that you actually kept all the little hearts. It's so sweet to know that you actually kept all the kinder surprise's toys. It's so sweet to know that you actually done all those things for me which I'll never imagine you doing it. Life is good, with you around :)

I love my pink room now. Thanks to my dad and baby! The room looks so sweet now :)

Bye!

2010-12-10T23:33:00.003+08:00

There's so much thoughts in my mind. It outweighs everything. I hate to feel this way actually. But it's haunting me so terribly sometimes. I find no reason for me to feel this way. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

It's time to throw away those thoughts and get into christmas mood! It's like 2 weeks away to christmas, so excited heheee. I'm kind of looking for the cruise trip now cus I'm in need of a short getaway! Finally some quality time with babyyyyyy :D Gonna get busy with work, might have to OT OT OT OT. Christmas songs never fail to make me happy :)

'Remember that most of your insecurities have no meaning nor reason at all. They merely exist because you let them roam around your head.'

2010-12-06T01:15:00.002+08:00

Life is so good with you around cus you seem to know everything! I don't have to worry about anything when I'm with you cus I know I can always, always count on you for everything! :)

2010-11-30T00:57:00.002+08:00

So ridiculous. I still remember how I told my mum how ridiculous and how exaggerating she is when she's so worried about my bro going to Brunei for 3 weeks. But now I'm feeling the same way as my mum too, I've got no idea why. I'm quite worried about him but I'm sure he'll do fine over there, right?!

He's really a silly yet a really sweet bro. He knows we like to eat ba kwa so he actually bought 1kg and he wrote a note telling us to eat a piece of ba kwa if we miss him. I swear at that point of time, I couldn't control my tears too man!

Baby's very busy with work recently and he's so tired. Suddenly, I don't know who to turn to..

2010-11-27T10:49:00.003+08:00

I know I should be understanding. I shouldn't have put so much hope. And now, I can't help it but to feel really disappointed. Sighhhhhh.

2010-11-22T01:24:00.003+08:00

Had a really long chat with my dad today! We chatted almost everything, from cars to housing to business to craps! We basically talked about everything. I never fail to feel better after chatting with him, he always managed to make me feel motivated. He's really a cool dad :)

Spent quality time with my family today! I realised I'm really so fortunate! I'm thankful for everything :)

2010-11-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

He's so sweet.

I was kinda sian when I'm working today, probably because I was sooooo tired. So as usual, after lunch time, I was doing my work till somebody called me on my hp and I recognized the number is from IBM. So I picked up and that person asked if I'm at IBM now. The next moment I know, that person asked me to go down to the service counter and collect my flowers!!!!! Baby actually bought me a bouquet of flowers and got it delivered to my workplace! Happy like mad but was really embarrased at the same time cus I've to carry it back to my office! Thanks for the sweet surpise baby! :)

Happy sixth! :)

2010-11-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

It's only normal for humans to have expectations, but how often it is for expectations and reality to be on par? Maybe that's the reason why people tend to feel disappointed time and again. That's why it's so important not to over-expect.

I'm not a perfectionist, I don't ask for perfection in my life. All I ever wanted is just a simple and happy life. Yep, that's all. It can be easy and yet difficult. But I believe I'll be able to achieve that with you around :)

Even if you ask me the same question 10 years down the road, my answer will still be the same.

I love you.

2010-10-30T02:52:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, people just don't appreciate what you've done. Why should I even bother in the first place?

Life has been good I think just that pms kinda screw me up big time! I don't really know what's wrong either but anyway, it's over alrd :) Leonard chen got a hard time cheering me up I guess, hahaha. It's been a long time since we go dating alrd, I've got alot of movies I wanna watch!

Stubborn people can be kinda irritating at times but I realised I'm quite stubborn too, hahaha! I'm quite stubborn when it comes to certain aspect. Maybe that's the reason why I don't really like to argue with stubborn people. Cus stubborn + stubborn = no conclusion. And seriously, I hate people who can't fulfil their promises. If you don't intend to keep your promises, why do you even bother to promise in the first place? I'm glad baby doesn't belong to this group of people :)

So fast it's gonna be Nov soon!! Christmas is coming, so excited!!!!!!

2010-10-25T23:44:00.002+08:00

This is when I realised I can depend everything and anything on you :)

It's gonna be November soon! Work is so far so good. And the Nike race ended ytd!! Love the satisfaction that I got when I completed the race! Next one will be standard chartered on Dec!

2010-10-13T13:32:00.004+08:00

Baby's back!!!! He told me he'll only be back today. He took the evening flight ytd and he didn't call me when he touch down! He drove straight to my house instead without telling me and I was happily using my laptop and watching show till I saw him online (I thought he's using the computer over there or sth)! Chatted with him and he totally didn't mention to me that he had alrd reach sg. He told me that he's hungry and he asked me if I'm hungry, so I was telling him that I'm hungry too. After that he asked if we should go for supper tgt and I was like huh?!?!

Baby: Let's go supper shall we? I'm below your house now.
Me: HUH?!!
Baby: You believe uh? Lol.
Me: HAHA FOR A MOMENT, YES
Baby: Then live for another moment, I'm really downstairs now!

I was stunned for few seconds before I grabbed my keys and went down to meet him!!!!!!!! That blur sotong, he really thought that he'll only be back today! I'm so touched cus it's alrd like 11plus or 12 when he reached sg but he still came down to meet me! Love him ttm :)

2010-10-08T18:40:00.002+08:00

Baby's going overseas today! For these few months that we're together, he's never ever leave me alone for so many days. Even those days that we had our conflicts, it doesn't even last for more than 1 day!!! Think I'm too overly dependent on him alrd cus it's only like 5 days and I'm making a big fuss out of it :(

He came to my house just now with my favourite Koi bubble tea and he actually asked his sis to buy me a pair of havaianas when I alrd had so many pairs of havaianas at home! Love him to the max! I'm so glad that we had some quality time tgt just now :)

I'm gonna start working real soon! I've been slacking for almost 2 months and almost everybody shook their heads when they know that I'm not working except baby! So maybe it's a good thing that I'm working soon! But then again, it'll also mean that we'll spend lesser quality time tgt!

Shucks, I'm missing Leonard Chen now!

2010-09-21T04:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I just think I'm not good enough for you. Hate the fact that I'm not perfect enough. I really hate pms for making me feel so screwed up. It's gonna be over soon, cus I know you're always here for me ♥

2010-09-15T16:26:00.003+08:00

Was craving so badly for long john breakfast since few days ago and I'm supposed to have it with baby on Monday but I overslept and there's no more breakfast. I was so sad that day and he promised to bring me to have it today but we played mahjong till 4plus ytd so we didn't get to eat breakfast and I told baby I'll call him when I wake up. But I was so tired that I slept till afternoon till he called me and told me that he bought my long john breakfast!!!!!!!!! It was raining this morning and he actually woke up in the morning, went to buy my breakfast, waited for me to wake up and then deliver it to my house! He must have known how badly I wanted to eat!

I don't know how he can be so irritating and so sweet at the same time! Love the way he makes me happy all the time :)

2010-09-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

Everything kinda went wrong today. Didn't expect that I'll be so afraid of losing you till just now. Seriously, I'll never ever wanna feel that way again. It's so scary. Sorry for everything and I love you more than you can ever imagine too! So glad that everything's fine now :)

Anyway, Going the Distance is nice! So fast it's mid of Sept alrd! Many things for me to look forward to! And I can't wait for x'mas alrd!!! Byeeeee!

2010-09-09T00:24:00.002+08:00

I was quite sure that I'll be studying at UOL if you asked me few months ago. But recently, I've got second thoughts about it. I don't know if it's a good decision to go UOL and study because I'm so not that kind of students who will mug really hard for my school work. I'm not that disciplined to revise my work everyday. I've heard how hard/stress it is to study at UOL. It's gonna be 3 years and I'm not really that into business management either. Why is degree cert so essential in this society now? It's kind of contradicting actually cus I don't want to step into working society now also. AIYA HOW ):

Anyway, just to share something....

Me: Eh, this year got nike race again leh!
Laixing: Oh is it.
Me: Yah, But this year not human race.
Laixing: Then animal race ah?

and everybody started laughing, TSK.

Signed up for the nike city run but I don't know if i can still run anot lorrr. I've still got a standard chartered marathon on Dec! In case you think I signed up for the 42km, NO WAY! I'm running only 10km :) Time to start training!

2010-08-19T00:51:00.003+08:00

Was really sad and disappointed when he told me that he'll be working in the morning cus I've specially took off today and planned to give him a surprise. So in the end I wasn't really in the mood and I couldn't blame him cus he's doing some serious stuffs. No choice but to tell him that I'm not working today and I think I gave him a shock because he was actually on his way to my workplace and wanted to ask my colleague to pass me my surprises! I was so shocked when he told me he's not working at night too and I seriously can't believe we're actually doing the same thing. Hahaha. And he ended up putting my surprise outside my doorstep before rushing off to do his stuffs!! Anyway I managed to go to his house and give him the surprise too!! :D

Felt so sweet and little things like that is enough to make me really happy and contented. Love you so much baby :)

<3

2010-08-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

Really hate it when things don't go accordingly to what I planned. Feeling so damn sian now cus I just felt like whatever I planned was useless. Can't help but to feel disappointed.

2010-08-05T23:35:00.003+08:00

random:

Time really flies, it's alrd august now! Life is good now with everything! I feel so fortunate :)

2010-08-03T02:11:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for everything baby. I know it's my fault. Sorry for not letting you know, sorry for hiding my feelings, sorry for letting you feel that way. I don't know why am I holding all these back. But thanks for everything baby. Thanks for being so understanding and everything.

I used to not believe in forever because I've always think that it's just crap and people use it just to sweet talk. But now, for you, I will :)

2010-07-07T04:57:00.002+08:00

I've just saw sth which I'm not supposed to see i guess. I hope I'm just thinking too much and it's not what I think. I don't know how I should react actually. Ignorance is bliss, how true? Might not be a good thing to know so much. Sighhh.

2010-06-23T10:14:00.003+08:00

because you always managed to put a smile on my face whenever i'm upset. because you always managed to surprise me when i least expected it. because of all the assurance that you've given me. that's why i'm so sure that i'll never walk away :)

love the way you surprise me with your presence early in the morning ♥

2010-06-22T17:48:00.002+08:00

trying to overcome all the insecurities that i had. and i think i've only managed to overcome like maybe 60% of it? but then i realised i'm in no position to fault anyone for me feeling this way because of the whatever factors. sometimes, i feel so bad to be in this kind of situation. it's just so wrong.

nothing happened, everything's good now! but aiyaaa, it's just pms pms pms! need to fight against the pms monsters!!

anyway, time flies! half of 2010 is gone! love whatever that's happening right now <3

2010-06-03T23:39:00.002+08:00

i think i'm quite dumb to go back to the office to settle some stuffs when im on leave tmr and i can happily sleep till afternoon ):

i'm so scared about tmr, not the results but the process. i dont think anyone understand how i'm feeling now (ok maybe except shirley) so i'm gonna stop explaining how i'm feeling alrd. hopefully it's not as scary as i think!

2010-06-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

feels so good to have somebody to htht with.

tendered my resignation, so 30 june will be my last day :) i realised i'm those kind of people who need people to support whatever that i'm doing. i mean, of cus im big enough to decide what i want and dont care about what other people think. but still, their support means alot to me. so yep, very glad that my parents, bf and friends are so supportive :)

very tired now, long long day tmr!

2010-05-24T23:15:00.002+08:00

wish time would stop for a moment and wish that im not working now. because 24hr per day doesnt seem to be enough for me! gonna tender my resignation this week because i'm so tired of working in that company alrd.

other than work, all the other things are pretty good i think! i'm contented :)

it's just the little things that you do <3

2010-05-18T05:06:00.004+08:00

Mixed feelings cus I had my worst and my best moments today! It's two extreme feelings so everything still feels like it's a dream. Really didn't expect all these to happen now.

<3

2010-05-14T15:43:00.002+08:00

i'm so stress now, i know i'm such a loser to think of resigning just because i'm feeling stress right now. so many things to handle right now, all the emails, all the phone calls, all the requests. i dont feel like doing any of those but i cant! ):

not even looking forward to weekends anymore. because after weekends, i've to come back to work and handle all these shits again. sighhh.

okay, maybe partly it's pms that's why im feeling so grumpy and all. i hope all these negative feelings will be gone soon.

be positive! :)

2010-05-09T23:18:00.003+08:00

weekend is indeed good :) big breakfast on saturday and then went over to airport! spent like more than 5 hrs in airport i think, so meaning we've travelled almost the whole airport! but i got kinder surprise! :)

♥ kinder surprise!

went summer breeze for dinner and then Ironman 2 after that! there's too much conversations and not much actions in that movie. i supposed there's Ironman 3 coming up!

cant wait for wed to come cus my bro's booking out!

2010-05-07T11:37:00.002+08:00

miscommunications, and i'm wondering why so sway my phone had to spoil that day uh! but ok, at least i know about it now :)

TGIF! can't wait to end work because i really need a short break now. hopefully this weekend will be good :)

2010-05-04T22:48:00.002+08:00

caught Bounty Hunter just now and it wasnt as nice as i expected it to be! anyway, celebrated bff's 22nd on sat! new york new york and then Ip Man! Ip Man is rreeaaaallllyyyy nice! hope he enjoyed his 22nd with us! :))

i'm so scared now, so scared that i'll wake up with nothing one day.

2010-04-28T22:26:00.003+08:00

had a good talk with my dad just now. he seems to know everything cus he can always analyse the situation for me and make me see the whole picture clearly. commitments can be such a burden sometimes.

as much as i want to trust, it's so difficult. need to overcome the insecurities i suppose.

BYE :)

2010-04-26T22:58:00.003+08:00

went tekong with my parents and my bro's gf today to send him off! i'm not gonna see him for 2 weeks and i feel so weird. cus i'm missing him now alrd ):

need to work tmr and it's so depressing. but i shall TRY to look forward to work!

2010-04-26T00:43:00.002+08:00

love everything now and i really hope things will just stay the way it is :)

ok so my bro is going to be enlist tmr and honestly, i'm a little sad about it. but like what the rest said, every guys will have to go through this stage and he'll come out to be a man!

this is before he got his haircut and he forced me to take a photo with him!

need to rest now so bye! :))

2010-04-20T23:04:00.003+08:00

:) :) :) :) :)

today is really bad. i really dont know how i'm gonna survive all alone in IBM after my colleague leaves. i still dont know the procedures well and things always get really urgent and i've to settle it asap. tell me how to tahan for a year?

despite today being so bad so bad so bad, things actually got so much better at night :) celebrated my dad's birthday. we tried hiding and gave him a surprise and it's so freaking funny! anything after that was good too :)

okay, i need to sleep now. work tmr will be better and i'm meeting buddy for dinner tmr :)

2010-04-19T22:57:00.003+08:00

went to Tao's restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday ytd! totally love the 6-course meal and i'm so gonna go back there and eat again! they got really nice food, be it appetizer, main course or desserts! i think my dad is really happy ytd :)

\

work was so-so but i got so stressed up because my colleague is leaving soon and i'll be all alone doing all the things. maybe things arent as bad as i think la! positive positive :)

gonna stay positive about everything and i think life is really better when i decided not to care so much :)

"I dont think anyone knows how to successfully get over a person. You just wake up one day and you're over it, or you aren't."

2010-04-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

so.damn.tired

2010-04-12T00:14:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry I made you disappointed and worried again. Ive got no idea why I'm doing all these things. I feel like an idiot now for making you unhappy. I'm really sorry.

I've got seriously no mood for anything now. But I've got work tmr, how? This time round, I don't feel like talking about it anymore.

Things are not getting better, I'm so tired of every single thing. I need a drink now.

2010-04-08T21:02:00.003+08:00

work has been quite alright till today where things got screwed up and i was all alone to settle it cus my colleague is on leave today. so it's just another bad day but i shall be glad that it's over alrd :) glad that i've got good colleagues around me to joke and bitch about people during lunch time!

contented with whatever that's happening now just that i got really tired of trying so hard so i think i'm done trying.

it's friday again tmr, yaaaay :D

2010-03-28T00:46:00.008+08:00

bintan:

lazy to post all the photos that we took at bintan cus it's aloooot. i miss bintan! and i really want another holiday!

shawn's 22th:

went yuki yaki!

leonard's 22th:

went fish&co and then some of them went to play mahjong while some of us went to drink after that! talking about this, i thought i was so sway to kena 3 forfeits till i realised they set up on me, grr! made me so embarrassed that i felt like banging the wall la! and it's not my birthday so i dont understand why they want me to be drunk! lol.

this game is very fun! played 3 times and ongkia actually lost 3 times!

green dragon! matthew said it's 70% alcohol and the smell was really strong that i dont even feel like trying it, haha!

started my full-time job and so far so good. got really nice colleagues and they never fail to make me laugh! i dont know if i can hang on to this job for a year, but i'll try!

i'm so tired, maybe i should just stop thinking for one day. it just affects me too much. i dont know what to say now.

ok need to sleep now, my cousin's wedding tmr and im so excited :D

bye!

2010-03-22T21:48:00.004+08:00

this is when i realised how understanding my parents really are. my dad is so understanding that he can actually accept this bad habit of mine. he knew about it but he didnt want to force me to say. he wasnt even a little angry about it, he can still smile to me and told me it's alright. this is the first time after so long that i actually cried so badly infront of them.

i made them really worried i guess. but i felt so much better after telling them. and their hugs meant so much to me at this point of time.

and seriously, i love my family big time. for being so supportive of me, for being so understanding, for being always always there for me.

2010-03-21T22:20:00.003+08:00

i realised how stupid i am, i'm really so tired now. i dont know what to do, it's really not okay to be telling myself everything will be fine when it's not. the heart-to-heart talk with you made me even confused now. and i've got zero courage to ask you what i wanna ask you. perhaps i just need more time.

and yes, you hurt me real bad :(

2010-03-16T22:24:00.002+08:00

up your service course is so boring. it'll be the last day tmr and i guess it'll be another round of playing tic-tac-to/bingo/itouch/hangman!

i'm so tired and i need to rest soon! goodnight :))

2010-03-16T00:40:00.002+08:00

so happy now cus my camera is back from the hospital! love my dad big time because he went all the way down to queenstown to repair it for me and paid for all the repair cost which i dont know how much is it :D

need to wake up like 6 hours later cus i've got a course to attend in TP. so i need to sleep now! gdnight everybody :)

2010-03-11T23:09:00.002+08:00

i seriously got no idea what you're thinking. i got no idea if this is how you communicate and i got no idea if this is how you treat other girls too. i'm so confused right now because i think i can never know what you're thinking. i dont know anymore. it's such a big lie to tell myself that i'm not hoping for anything. i gave myself hope for it and all i ever got back was disappointments after disappointments. so tired, i dont know what to do. i will never screw things up again. but it's never easy to just get over it and move on.

things arent getting better because im down with fever now. i hope i'll recover when i wake up tmr, because i've got alot of things to do these few days. seriously, this feeling sucks pretty much now.

bye!

2010-03-07T22:46:00.004+08:00

bintan was good and bad!! good because of the fun that we had tgt and bad because i was a joke over there. but i guess we really enjoyed the trip! the villa that we stayed was so shiok so shiok!

love the sun and everything. so much laughters tgt! :) cant wait to go overseas again! took many photos but the photos are not with me now. so i shall upload the photos when i have it!

anyway, my bro got 6 As for his a level!!! freaking shocked when my mum told me and i know he's very clever. just like how clever i am :)

things arent going quite right now. really hate it when i have messy thoughts that i need to sort them out. it's really so difficult to just get over it and then move on. i dont know what i want now, im so confused. it just doesnt seem right to listen to my heart now.

2010-03-02T19:42:00.003+08:00

i'm so excited now because i'm going bintan tmr!! can't wait to relax and enjoy the wonderful sun over there!

i havent pack my bag yet and i'm so hungry now! ok, see everybody when i'm back from bintan :)

2010-03-01T21:49:00.013+08:00

20th was good!! it's one of the best birthday i ever had!

26 feb:
bliss cafe and o bar with the usuals. played and really had fun with them!! <3

went home after that and shirley and peixian actually ganged up with my family to give me the surprise! really didnt expect it and i was really really really surprised! they baked me a cake too :) and they stayed over at my house! <3

27feb:
was quite bad initially cus i dropped my camera and it's spoilt
:( wasnt in the mood after that but everything became better when i met the guys! timbre substation and i think i went there to feed the mosquitoes. my legs are full of mosquito bites now! they treated me 2 flaming towers and i went totally blank after that. but hey, i wasnt drunk!

i'm really very touched that they actually spent the effort planning my birthday celebration and also spending so much on my presents! i really know how fortunate i am! this is when i realised how much i meant to you, you, you and you. <3

2010-02-26T14:11:00.002+08:00

i shall take back my words because im quite excited about it now! but i'm so gonna take a nap now, i didnt sleep properly ytd and im so tired!!

and yes, finally! this present is enough to make me happy alrd :D

k bye!!!!

2010-02-24T19:53:00.002+08:00

i dont know why but i'm really not very excited about my birthday! in fact im quite sian about it. anyway, these few days were bored but good! i've been feeling tired everyday even though i'm not doing anything.

i've got another interview tmr and i need to wake up early, sian! i hope i wont lost my way there tmr. hate it when i need to go somewhere which im not familiar at!

i've got millions of things that i need to tell xlff!

2010-02-19T00:43:00.003+08:00

cny is a little boring compared to the previous cny i had. nothing much except for the fun that i had with friends! watched valentine's day, little big soldier and all's well ends well too. i've been gambling, gambling and still gambling these few days! been playing mahjong since chu er. my parents too. my dad went to cruise on cny eve. and then resorts world casino on monday. after that my parents went to cruise from tues and just came back today.

i was struggling about my future last few days and i've finally decide what i want my future to be. hopefully i wont regret what i've decided!

so many things in my mind now. dont know what to do seriously, super sian. very tired alrd, need to sleep soon. i've got interview with the company tmr morning. cant wait to go kenneth's house tmr!

2010-02-13T01:00:00.010+08:00

last few days were good with quite a few happy events! lileen's er jie's wedding ceremony, eileen's 20th, class reunion dinner and lao yu sheng with the class on the last day of school today!

anyway, everything was pretty good except for some small little things. maybe there's too many people in this world and that's the reason why there're many different kinds of people. so i can never understand why are they like that and all i can do is to just accept the fact that they're like that.

i really cannot stand people who dont do what they say, im sorry but im like that since young. so before you tell me you can do anything for me, think twice before you tell me. because i will take every word you said seriously.

lileen's er jie's wedding ceremony:

eileen's 20th:

n701's reunion dinner:

lao yu sheng with my class today! took many many photos in school today and took some videos which are so dumb but very funny and memorable! had so much fun inside the LT but so sad that it's the last day alrd. will post the photos next week probably!

watched 72 Tenants of Prosperity with carson and people. it's not bad and it's quite funny! love bosco especially :D

it's cny eve alrd! it's not gonna be the usual cny like the past cus this year im not visiting my mother's side because my grandmother's still in the hospital. so might be going to resorts world sentosa with my parents yo! and then after that will be going over to my dad's side :)

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!

2010-02-04T20:42:00.006+08:00

i spent 4 hours clearing up my room and now it's sparkling clean!! while im cleaning my room, i happened to flip through alot of memories. i happened to come across those bday cards that bff gave me. and i realised he gave me bday cards every single year! those cards were very simple (A4 blank paper!!!) but the contents inside were enough to me make smile while reading it :)

i realised i've got quite alot of soft toys and i got a complete set of millenium hello kitty! and no, im not a hello kitty fan!!!

yay, now im quite looking forward to cny alrd! i cant wait to see all the cousins and i cant wait to eat those cny goodies!!

ivan's bday:

2010-02-03T23:51:00.002+08:00

my happiness doesnt last because before i really had the chance to enjoy the happiness, everything just went down. i gave myself hope and i hate myself for that. sucks big time.

but anyway, retail therapy helps a little. shopped at vivo and then went chinatown after that. love the atmosphere in chinatown!

so tmr maybe i'll stay at home and try to pack my room and maybe study for my test?

ok alot of things in my mind now, need to sort them out slowly and maybe try to get over it. bye :)

2010-02-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

interview's finally over! i smell freedom now even though there's still 2 more tests to go! everything's alright now so life is really good now :D :D

im going vivo and chinatown tmr with my 2 favourite people to shop! cant wait cant wait, i've finally got the mood to shop and to celebrate cny. but then the 2 girls are so sian about cny now hahaha.

you might never know, but that meant so much to me :)

2010-01-31T23:59:00.002+08:00

celebrated ivan's birthday ytd. had alot of fun at ivan's house doing alot of stupid things :)

as much as i want to stay happy, i wasnt. went to visit my grandmother just now and the adults decided to let her go for operation because she's really in pain. i almost cried when i saw my grandmother just now and i kept telling myself not to cry not to cry not to cry. my grandmother was holding our hands when we're leaving. i couldnt talk to her cus i felt like crying everytime i tried talking to her. she might be going for operation in a few hours time. i really dont know how to describe this kind of feeling. if i can use my birthday wishes now, i want my grandmother to pull through this operation and celebrate cny with us.

i've got no mood for anything now. but i've got a presentation tmr and a interview on tues. how?

at this point of time, i dont need anybody except you.

2010-01-30T01:17:00.002+08:00

so in the end me and shirley didnt manage to finish doing our report. i went to her house and stayed till 5am. met the rest of the grp members at 3pm in school to do the report ytd. decided to go kaisheng's house cus the sch's library closes at 9pm. we chiong proj till 6am. but in between we talked about ghost stories, slack here slack there, crap here crap there. 6am go home, bath, change clothes, go to sch again!

tired like dog. msa quiz was anyhow cus didnt manage to cheat. my gpa confirm drop but aiya, what to do! i know it's the last sem but i've really got no mood to work hard this sem. just dont let me fail any modules and i'll be happy enough!

dinner at chomp chomp and k session just now!! love the food, the laughters and the people :)

move on is the keyword.

2010-01-27T19:34:00.004+08:00

i buang my 20% quiz ytd, shit man. now i really regret not studying for it lorrrrrr.

was supposed to get our report done just now. but then we ended up stalking people and bitching about people tsk. in the end we've got no mood to continue our report alrd. so we gonna meet up again later to finish our report and hopefully we'll be able to complete it!!

ok so im left with around 2 more weeks to go. 2 more quizzes, 1 interview and 1 last proj!! yaay :)

2010-01-25T01:15:00.004+08:00

last few days were so bad, so tired after all the bad things happening one after another. my emotions get affected very easily these few days. i'm not even excited about cny now.

but anyway, i've to thanks those who cared enough to sms/call/talk to me. i really, really, really appreciate alot even if it's just a simple 'cheer up'. and im glad i've got these people because at the end of the day, these are the people that's gonna be there for me. i'll cherish them more than ever now :)

this year is such a bad year, but i'll stay positive about it and i shall believe that things will turn out to be better. i know my grandmother will be strong enough to overcome all these and everything will be okay soon :)

2010-01-20T23:06:00.003+08:00

things are not getting any better. once again, i felt so helpless. sucks so much when you cant do anything. what is wrong seriously? can things get better just for once? fuck.

im such a loser now. because at this point of time, very very little things can make me cry like one idiot. so, thanks for that unnecessary comment. it might not mean a single shit to you, but sorry, that unnecessary comment affects me. even if you dont understand, can you even TRY to understand? or maybe i should blame myself because i should have kept everything to myself.

bye.

2010-01-18T01:20:00.002+08:00

my grandmother was hospitalised again. this time round, she fell down and her thigh bone cracked. the doc says she needs operation but her heart is too weak for it. if she goes for operation, she might not be able to pull through the operation. so now the only thing is to let her lie on the bed for like 3 - 6 months for her to recover. went to visit her and i can see that she's really damn pek chek for the fact that she wont be able to walk. she kept hitting the bed and all that i can do is to just stand there and listen to what she had to say. seeing her like that, i'll rather hope the one lying on the bed is me and not her.

i think my grandmother fell down partly cus of my auntie. it's her again, why is it always her. fucking bitch. is it really so difficult to be nice to your family members? what is wrong with these people? you'll get old one day too, and i really hope you get your retribution soon, fuck.

i didnt feel so helpless before. but these few months, i've realised how helpless and how useless i can get. like seriously, why do all the bad things happen one after another?

thanks for being there, it really helps.

2010-01-15T22:55:00.002+08:00

it's the first time after so long that i reached home this early on a friday! im damn freaking tired because i chiong proj till 1 am and then woke up at 7am to prepare for school. had napfa after school just now and yaaay, i managed to get gold for it! i almost gave up on it cus i thought im gonna buang my inclined pull ups.

finally it's over over over la! gonna be slightly more free now cus we've cleared quite alot of things! cant wait to shop for cny clothes alrd hehehehe.

ok really need to sleep soon bye!

2010-01-13T19:20:00.004+08:00

because after everything, you still dont know me well enough.

im craving for.....

1. frolick

2. haagen daaz's chocolate fondue

3. P.Osh's brownie

4. icecube's cookie monster

&&&&& BEANCURD! any kind souls?!!

so busy these few days. i've been rushing projects like almost every night. it doesnt make a much difference by not having any lesssons on mon and wed cus i'll still be doing projects anyway. but then again, 4 more weeks to go only!

i'll be your sunshine after the rain!

2010-01-12T00:28:00.002+08:00

almost fainted when i went for a run just now. and then when i was resting on my sofa at home, my nose suddenly bleed and blood flows like a tap. freaking scary and i was really damn scared. like, it really flows non-stop! and i swallow quite alot of blood, yucks.

i was really damn scared that i did research on nose bleed, maybe too heaty alrd (i hope so lol). drank aloooot of water after that!

anyway texas poker on saturday. i used laixing's money to play and it's damn exciting lorrrrr. really can feel your heart beating very fast when the call gets bigger and bigger.

many many things going on for the next 4 weeks. just 4 more weeks and i'll be done with all the projects and tests and reports and whatever! :D

2010-01-07T00:42:00.003+08:00

sigh, so tired of certain things but what can i do leh........

wish that you're here now now now!

ok very tired alrd, need to sleep now goodnight!!

2010-01-06T20:55:00.004+08:00

my dad's finger is almost broken ytd and he had 6 stitches on his index finger. damn scary and my limbs totally went soft when i saw his finger (even though it's bandaged) and when he told me what happened. this is when i realised how freaking useless i am.

he was really in pain ytd's night and he didnt want to disturb my mum so he went to the living room and suffer the pain alone. hurts me to see him in pain and i was so helpless because i couldnt do anything except to stand beside him and ask him if he is okay. this is when i realised how freaking important my dad is to me. not that i dont know how important he is to me last time, just that after this, it made me realised he's really important. glad that he's so much better noww.

this is only like the sixth day of 2010 and i've alrd heard a few bad news. i shall just hope that the rest of the 360 days will be better!

2010-01-03T23:59:00.001+08:00

oh man i know im a little late to talk about the new year but i didnt have the time to online these few days!

new year's eve: mahjong at sihao's house, picnic with the usuals, fly kite, mahjong at km's house and watched my first movie in 2010 with the usuals :D :D

first day of 2010: mahjong at carson's new house and his mum told his relatives that i can eat alot (omg!). love his little cousin, ming xuan!!!! dinner, selegie beancurd and then back to his house to play bang!

so in short, i enjoyed the last day of 2009 and the first day of 2010 with all the lovely people <3

i wont say 2009 is a bad year but i wont say it's a good year too. this is the year i got so much closer with people like shawn, matthew and especially sihao (even though he's my cousin hahaha and im glad we can htht about so many things!). even though they're really irritating by always saying all the mean things to me, i still love them for who they are! and of cus those close friends around me, you know who you are! :D

but then again, this is the year i got terrible setbacks like failing my tp, maybe it sounds no big deal to you but you dont know how much it really affects me, got really, really, really sad over ___. really glad for those people that were there for me especially carson, shirley and peixian. I can still remember how badly I cried in front of carson. this is so gonna be the first and last time i'll do it again man.

i hope 2010 is going to be a better year (like duh, who would want it to be a bad year lol). but aiyaa i still wanna say, 2010 will a be better year :D

2009-12-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

thanks to the lecturer that we had to go back to school just to take one freaking photo. and thanks to her that we had to stay 5 hours in school cus we couldnt contact her and she needs the photo like immediately? tsk~

anyway dinner was good because we went hk cafe to eat and i finally had my selegie beancurd!!! as usual lor, 5 of them trying to attack my fats and im left with only myself to defend myself, how pathetic! lol.

school is so bad because the work load is really damn.freaking.heavy. so difficult to tell myself it'll be over soon because all that i could see now is all the projects crushing down and nth else. how i hope im still having internship now! oh man, miss my siemens colleagues!

ok it's new year eve tmr :D